In those science fiction movies when something like this happens, there’s usually that scene when the military arrives and saves the day with all their guns and bombs, blowing the monsters into a million pieces. Or like that end scene in Independence Day when the selfless hero flies into the belly of the beast with the Ultimate Monster Killing Weapon attached. But in the end, you always know that, one way or another, humanity is going to find a way to win. Because we’re humans and finding a way to win is what we do, right? Dinosaurs might let themselves get extinct, but humans don’t lose.
And here in Detroit? Yeah, we take that defiant humanity thing seriously. We’ve endured just about everything you can throw at a city, from economic ruin to being the bitter laughingstock of the nation as the supposed one reason why you can’t let Black folks run anything. And on top of that we had the worst football team ever, the Lions.
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But nobody’s laughing now. Now Detroit is where everybody wants to be. We’re the poster child for a comeback story, and everybody loves a comeback story. In February, our beloved Lions won the Superbowl for the third time, and it looks like the Tigers just might have what it takes to go all the way.
Or at least it looked that way until the egg happened. Now, who the hell knows. It’s been a day-to-day thing for a few months now. When the egg first showed up back in May, a lot of us thought maybe this was the curtain call, not just for Detroit but maybe even for the world. I have to say, in a perverse kind of way, I felt kind of honored that if this was going to be the end of the world. Death by egg, then to have Detroit be chosen as the ignition point could be taken as a point of pride. Obviously we must have mattered if the alien invaders felt like they had to attack Detroit first. Because in the movies, isn’t it always New York or Washington D.C. where the center of the universe is supposed to be located?
But then days went by. And then, after a few weeks, folks are starting to figure out their own ways of wrapping their heads around the fact that a huge egg-shaped thing that swallowed all the birds is hovering above the Detroit River and we have no idea what it ultimately wants or plans to do next. We’re Detroiters, and in Detroit we know how to adapt, plus you can’t keep us scared for too long.
Still, dealing with something like this really isn’t how I had imagined spending my first year in office. Like any politician I had all these plans and had made all these promises during my campaign. And despite what a lot of folks say they think about politicians, my plan was to execute those promises to take Detroit to the next level and make it an even better city for all. Because I was born here and I love this city, and I honestly feel like I was born to be mayor of this city. And judging by how wide a margin I won, most Detroiters think so too.
But now, excuse my language, I’m looking at the possibility of having it all undone by a fucking giant egg from another dimension.
