Somebody Out There Loves The Mayonnaise Murders
Issue #53 Keith’s SciFi Musings June 11, 2023
As you may have read elsewhere, my 20-plus-year journey of completing The Mayonnaise Murders trilogy is finally over, and all three volumes are currently available on Amazon. It is my sincere desire that you take the time to peruse this literature, and furthermore, I place great importance on your enjoyment of its contents.
So what is “The Mayonnaise Murders” about? Here’s a quick summary:
Whoever killed Johnny Beardy ruined a perfectly good sandwich in the process. I was hungry when I found him, so that's the first thing came to my mind. For the record, my name is Vid. It's short for a name you don't wanna bother trying to pronounce if you're from Earth. Anyway, I solve problems. It's not what I always did, but things change and here I am. Stuck up to my gills in other critters' problems on good ole Planet 10.
Once again, if you're an Earthling reading this, I meant that literally. You folks have a habit of making up cute little sayings and whatnot. Working your tail off. Sweatin’ like a pig. Up to your neck in. This ain't one of those. I have gills. Deal with it.
On Planet 10, pork is fine but mayonnaise is illegal. Used as an essential ingredient in the highly addictive drug MayoMadd, mayonnaise has long been banned for the safety of the colonies which has been free of the MayoMadd craze for years.
So then where did the mayonnaise come from? And who has enough pull to get it delivered to Planet 10? Or is somebody manufacturing it, and if so where are they getting the ingredients?
Is sandwich spread really that important to a critter, and where does a dead rock star fit into all this? That’s what Vid has to find out, with more than a little help from Vee, a shapely news reporter with no shortage of attitude and an arsenal of quick comebacks wrapped in as much barbed wire as humor.
What they eventually uncover is the biggest story of Vee’s career, but it could also pose one of the biggest threats to Earth’s teenagers – especially those with a taste for chemical thrills. The whole twisted affair could turn both Vid and Vee into wanted criminals just for playing too close to the fire.
If you do read one, two, or all three books of the Trilogy, please consider leaving a review because those reviews really do matter. I have received a number of positive reviews ever since the publication of the first volume years ago, for which I am truly grateful.
All three books are available individually or as a set in print and on Kindle.
But when I read the review below - one of my first - I considered it special because it let me know that the reader really understood what the book was about and how it was unique. It let me know that maybe, just maybe, The Mayonnaise Murders, as weird and strange as it is, had an audience.
Somebody out there likes me!Here's what he said about The Mayonnaise Murders Part 1:
“Super zany sci-fi that had me thinking at times of Men in Black. Very offbeat, very surreal humor, images, and plot points. The hardboiled detective flavor of the storytelling is part of the mashup of the sci-fi and mystery genres.
The author’s greatest strong suit is his ability to bring characters to life using dialects and the vernacular. While this is for the discerning palate, meaning, not for everyone, if you are the target audience, I’d say still resist the urge to read the book too fast.
That’s difficult because the energy behind the writing really propels you along. But if you don’t pay attention and struggle to orient yourself to this madcap world you’re likely to get lost fast. Even so, not everything will make sense at first. The reader is ultimately rewarded for his patience with some deep themes lending gravity to a tale that might otherwise be straight out of Mad Comics.