Once Upon A Time, Silence was Golden...

Issue #43 Keith’s SciFi Musings August 27, 2023

Public silence and thoughtfulness were officially declared an act of aggression and therefore illegal by an act of Congress on July 19, 2025. Both Republicans and Democrats, unable to agree on much of anything else, unanimously voted in both the House and Senate to pass the Speak Loudly and Carry A Bigger Stick Act.

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The clumsily-named legislation was brought about in response to the panicky demands of perpetually engaged citizens from rural small towns such as Monowi, Nebraska, population of 1, to the concrete jungles of New York City, all of whom have grown distrustful of fellow citizens who are not on cell phones, wearing ear pods, or who appear to be thinking about something while taking up space in a public location such as on public transportation, in a park, or walking/jogging anywhere.

When it comes to private spaces, such as work areas, almost 95% of employers require their employees to be constantly connected. All communication within the office is now done through employee cell phones, which are monitored and properly documented. The Speak Loudly Act is expected to achieve 100% compliance from all U.S. employers within the year. More recent car models are designed to automatically start playing pre-programmed music stations as soon as the key is inserted, and incoming phone calls cannot be turned off. If the car becomes quiet at any point, it will automatically turn itself off until the noise resumes.

Additionally, Apple has recently announced plans to roll out the new Issapartamee iPhone, designed to be inserted into the forearm as a skin graft. The Issapartamee is capable of performing all iPhone functions at the speed of thought and also of automatic and instant interface with all other Issapartamee owners as well as constant interaction and upgrades via the Apple Mainframe Repository of Souls.

Once upon a time, silence was golden…