Lessons I learned from the Mayonnaise Murders Journey

My journey is measured in DECADES not YEARS

Issue #48 Keith’s SciFi Musings July 16, 2023

I may have mentioned in earlier posts that it has taken over two decades to conclude the Mayonnaise Murders Trilogy, a rather wild and crazy sci-fi/fantasy escapade that I finished a month or so ago.

Actually, it’s closer to 30 years, but I still can’t quite wrap my head around that reality, and I’m the one who wrote this nearly 1,200-page story.

So surely I must have learned a few things along the way, right? I’d like to think so. And the first thing is that if I ever get it in my head to do another trilogy, perhaps I might consider moving things along a little quicker.

Because in 30 more years I will be 95. If I’m still here in 30 more years and, honestly speaking? Not quite sure I wanna be.

But the truth of the matter is that there was a gap of more than a decade between when I began the Mayonnaise Murders at the request of a friend who ran an education company and needed a sci-fi detective novel to teach kids about math and science in a fun way.

He knew I liked to write stories so he asked me how ‘bout it? I had never written a full-length book at that time nor had I ever written anything for children. But daring idiot that I am, I figured how hard could it be, right?

So sure. I’ll do it.

A few chapters in and my friend says he loves the story but…not for kids.

“Really?” I asked.

“Oh yeah. Really. Have you read what you wrote?”

“Oh.”

And so the Mayonnaise Murders was shelved for at least a decade while I switched gears and wrote Who Stole the Zmulobeast, which we both agreed worked a lot better for kids.

Lesson # 1: Writing science fiction/fantasy for young kiddies ain’t easy and it ain’t for me. So before you jump into the deep end, have an idea of who your audience is gonna be.

After that decade or so had passed, I remembered “Hey, wasn’t there this book you started that you didn’t finish?” And so I decided to finish it. At that time, when Mayonnaise Murders was first conceived, there was no such thing as the internet, and my first few chapters had been written on a word processor.

So I copied everything over to my computer onto this thing called Word and started piecing together a new direction for the story based on the hundred or so pages I had scribbled down a decade earlier.

Not easy.

Lesson #2: Don’t wait 10 years to finish your novel. Just keep pushing until you’re done. If you think it’s hard now, imagine how hard it will be 10 years from now when you can’t remember what the hell you were originally thinking of.

Once I finally finished The Mayonnaise Murders, I realized I had not finished The Mayonnaise Murders, even though I had written 340 pages, so The Mayonnaise Murders became The Mayonnaise Murders Vol. 1.

And then some years later came Vol. 2, and then, finally, also some years later, came Vol. 3 which I finished this year. It’s over 400 pages. And it’s magnificent. According to me.

Lesson #3: Don’t stop writing until you’re finished. Don’t think you’ll know? Trust me, you’ll know.

Ever since the first two volumes had been published on Amazon, I started getting reviews alerting me to the fact that The Mayonnaise Murders was …a rather unusual sci-fi kinda book. Kinda weird. But those who liked it loved it.

But they also pointed out that The Mayonnaise Murders just isn’t for everyone. It is definitely not your standard sci-fi rocket ships and robots standard fare. It’s a fun read and a fun ride with some rather deep messages hidden in between the words if you pay attention. But it is most likely not like anything you or anyone else has ever read.

This made me realize I had to work harder than I have ever worked before at marketing and promoting The Mayonnaise Murders Trilogy because although my audience is out there, it will take work finding them.

And it will take work convincing traditional sci-fi/fantasy nerds that Mayonnaise belongs. Matter of fact, writing the trilogy was relatively easy compared to what comes next. Especially because Mayonnaise is self-published.

Lesson #4: You can’t just take joy in the creation of writing. You have to also find joy in marketing and promotion.

Obviously, this doesn’t just apply to sci-fi/fantasy, but I think it might apply a little more so than other genres.

Because even though there seems to be sci/fi stuff everywhere these days, it is still so hard to get noticed. Especially if you’re different.

Lesson #5: Be different. It’s the best way to get noticed. Because ain’t nobody like you but you.